There are two kinds of rednecks. They can be identified by their mudflaps/bumper stickers. One is the “back off” Yosemite Sam redneck while the other is the “get ‘er done” redneck. (*Full disclosure: I am from Texas where we have mastered blending both kinds of rednecks, thus creating the “Don’t Mess with Texas” master redneck. This is for another post.)
Now, the back off redneck is legit by his own right, but when it comes to sustainability the get ‘er done redneck has the prize pig. Blue ribbon.
Two camps of snooty environmental types have been thumb warring over the issue for decades but they just haven’t been able to capture the people’s imaginations. Al Gore of all people came the closest, and who ever thought we would be congratulating him on imagination?
What the Nobel award committee didn’t realize was that rednecks had come to a mutually beneficial truce on the issue almost twenty years ago — one that could now lead the human race to a bright and healthy future.
Mr. Back Off Goes to Washington
“Wa?” says you. Well, you see, Mr. Back Off (let us call him) believes we should approach climate change by focusing on the problem (in this case tailgaters) and warn that a corrective course of conservation should be taken (in this case of excessive speed). These sorts have been most vocally represented by the chicken littles of the environmental scene.
What the green collars haven’t realized is that what makes Mr. Back Off successful is the gun rack in the back window (always with one gun missing because it is lying loaded on the bench seat). Yosemite Sam would just be a little barking twit if he didn’t carry dos pistolas.
“Back off” isn’t really an environmental policy as much as a threat. For Mr. Back Off the decision has long ago been made that threats (which can be backed up) are the best policy. This policy has served to keep excessive speed down in the South, thus helping to conserve petroleum and curb the greenhouse effect. Kudos Mr. Back Off.
What the Word Needs Now is to Get ‘er Done
But, the real potential for climate change reversal lies with Mr. Get ‘er Done. You see, Mr. Get ‘er Done isn’t looking in the rearview mirror too much. He doesn’t plan on coming to a sudden stop and ain’t worried about a little excessive speed. He is a forward thinker and focuses more on the solutions than the problems.
You got an ornery cow? I got a iron pipe and a cattle prod. You got too much carbon in the atmosphere? Let’s have a government subsidized bbq for the whole state of Texas. Problem solved. Don’t got enough trees? Move Arbor Day to a Sunday and rename it “Free get out of church in order to dig in the dirt with a back hoe day.”
Damn, Washington. Stop all the bitching and moaning and just get ‘er done. Get ‘er done.