November 2010 - David Mark Brown

How T.V.’s Survivor Wins the Nobel Prize for Peace

November 30, 2010 by David Mark Brown

North Korean Soldier - Eric Lafforge — North Korean Soldier - by Eric Lafforge

T.V. has long suckled at humankind’s proverbial teat. The time has come for the madam of Babylon to contribute toward sustaining the world that has made her (with something other than the 22 fine seasons of the Simpsons).

These days everyone is getting in on the act. Chevrolet is planting trees faster than cars can crash into them, and British Petroleum is building gas stations that run on solar power (weird, I know).

What better platform for Hollywood to use to do its part than reality T.V.? I’m talking about something significant, well beyond their current environmental policy of using locally grown, organic soy milk in their lattes. Survivor, North Korea.

Now before you get the wrong idea, I’m not talking espionage here. I’m talking diplomacy and aid at its best.

Redneck Sustainability: Set Guns to Airplane Mode

April 27, 2012November 26, 2010 by David Mark Brown

http://cartoonnewsmagazine.com/greatminds.html

I’ll admit, I have forgotten for entire flights to set my smartphone to airplane mode. Only one of those fights had to execute an emergency landing after dumping extra fuel over the Great Salt Lake. But, I never forget to wear my special security checkpoint outfit when traveling the friendly skies: sandals (no socks), form fitting spandex without belt and cotton undershirt (wife-beater style). It’s lickety-split through the dessembly line for me, and I never get a pat-down.

I figure the less I leave to the imagination the less likely anyone will want to imagine anything about me, including the likelihood that I might suddenly trill at the top of my voice and yell “Mecca, Mecca, Allah, Jihad!”

But at the same time, I realize that many of my fellow Americans are deeply concerned about the “porn scanners” that are popping up at TSA checkpoints. But, I ask you to once again consider the sustainable wisdom of rednecks. What if the wise redneck was in charge of airport security?

Fried Pie Country: Staying Fat and Happy

November 22, 2010 by David Mark Brown

Northerners have this thing called coffee. (Yes, I know we drink it here in the South too, but Starbucks and the like were nonetheless alien to the South until the early 90’s.) Down here we have sugar.

It makes sense too. Northerners have to get up in pitch black and dig their cars out of snowbanks in order to slide to their job at the yeti farm where they earn enough money to go curling in the evenings and pay for their costly sunning and tanning beds (used occasionally for growing personal amounts of medicinal marijuana, wink, wink, and to dispel their seasonal depression.) Who does this sort of thing without coffee?

But in the South we get up to songbirds and Willie Nelson (preferring our marijuana second-hand) and desire something a little more substantial before we set about our rigorous work of riding and roping broncos. What says substantial Southern breakfast better than fried pie?