November 2010 - Page 2 of 3 - David Mark Brown

Dukes for a Better Hazzard

August 29, 2012November 16, 2010 by David Mark Brown

Daisy Duke was as close as I came to a celebrity fetish as a boy. How can you resist the NASCAR driving temptress that fashioned a short-short revolution that looks good on less than 1% of the population? (of which I am proud to say I am still a part.)

But Daisy, Bo and Luke Duke were more than just hunky characters on the TV show The Dukes of Hazzard from 1979 through 1985, they were champions of community, social justice, civil liberties and simple living. I can still hear Waylon Jennings crooning about the good ole’ boys “fightin’ the system like a true, modern-day Robin Hood,” as the General Lee leaps a barn and flies off into the wild, blue yonder of freedom.

Sure, Bo and Luke ran moonshine in a Dodge Charger done up six ways to Dixie while Uncle Jesse supplied a tri-county area with white lightning, but who doesn’t jerk some hooch on the side these days? The times are hard, are they not?

Photos: Smarmy Imagination Robbers?

November 12, 2010 by David Mark Brown

kericarddavefacebig — Me at Senior Prom, being quirky, not dorky.

I’m a picture mooch. You know the type. They never bring a camera, never take any pictures, but always ask you for yours after you get home. “Hey man, can you e-mail me those pictures? Or just post ’em on facebook.”

I can’t help it. Pictures! I love them, and I hate them. On the one hand I feel like they are grubby imagination robbers, dipping their spindly little tendrils into my memories and yanking out the more colorful truths of the experience. Back! You filthy gremlins! I mean isn’t my imagination more brilliant than Kodak’s?

Who wants to remember what a moment actually looked like, when I can remember it however I want? I was quirky in high school, not dorky. I can see it now…

On the other hand,

Officially Coming Out of the Shower

November 8, 2010 by David Mark Brown

Shower_Bath — A French soldier's shower contraption

A brave new exposé by The New York Times has revealed once and for all to the public that hygiene in America has gone completely OCD. Emboldened by the courage of the individuals who stood forward for the Times, I too am ready to be recognized as one of the “unshowered and unashamed.”

Reading the Times article one could be lead to believe that there are critical scientific reasons to forgo showering, washing your hair and wearing anti-persperant. But this is like admitting that you drink wine regularly for the health benefits – it totally negates the too coolio for schoolio factor. It makes the beautiful seem, well, dorky.

I need no edifice of scientific reasoning or lame-o excuses to do the right thing (preachiness intended.) Now that The New York Times as clumsily broached the issue, maybe the world is finally ready to hear the truth. The one you have all come to know and love as David Mark Brown showers no more than twice weekly, has not besmirched his body with anti-persperant since he was 13, and has only used soap for “the hairy parts” since 1996.