Folk who live the button down life in town (known as the “rat race” until this was seen as discriminatory to vermin) might need a little assistance in letting their mullet down. If that’s the case, here are five great ways to add a little redneck to your white collar world (the Green Porch is always doing its part):
- Buy a brick of ammunition from Walmart to keep on top of the fridge (no gun necessary). Then whenever you open the door say the words, “Get some.” (For extra credit you can drink straight from the carton and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand.)
- Make a trip to the tanning salon, but leave your t-shirt on in order to speed up your farmer’s tan.
- Alter your greeting. If you’re a woman start addressing everyone as “honey,” or “shoog” (short for sugar). If you’re a man only nod to other men and address all women as “ma’am.”
- Download “The Sounds of NASCAR” podcasts to your smart phone and listen to the roaring engines all day at work. And finally…
- Get your Lynyrd Skynyrd on. Sit on the front porch shirtless (a tube top for you gals), drinking a Bud Light and listening to Free Bird with your Klipsch speakers turned all the way up. (For extra credit try spelling everything with “y” as the only vowel.)
If you graduate this course and you still ain’t kissing cousins with your inner redneck then you should be worried more about what your neighbors are thinking than getting in touch with your inner redneck.