Santitas Lady, I Love You

It’s time for another bare all exposé from the desk of the Redneck Granola. For many years now I have maintained a fantasy relationship with the Santitas Chip Lady. In Biblical times a tan may have been considered a sign of low status, reflecting hours of menial labor beneath the scorching hot rays of the sun.

But in my world, a beautiful tan reflects hours of menial labor beneath the scorching hot rays of the sun. And I find that scorching hot. Don’t tell me Miss Santitas got her tan from hours of reading People Magazine in a tanning bed. I don’t wish to sully my fantasy with such disgusting ruminations. [Read more…]

The Waning of Thinking Man’s Schlock

Movie Poster for SchlockFirst off, I’m aware that the title of this post makes it sound like it should be in the latest issue of American Pharmaceuticals or Playboy. Ha, ha. Have your laugh so we can get on with it.

Has the world gotten too cruel for highbrow potty humor? Has satire been relegated to AFV (the new hip version of America’s Funniest Home Videos)?

Today I sit on the blog-o-hilltop in sackcloth and ashes lamenting the current condition of the thinking man’s schlock. But what, Mr. Redneck Granola, exactly is thinking man’s schlock. And are you sure you don’t just have a bad case of heartburn? Or maybe you had too many jalapeños on your pizza last night?

Yes, I did have too many jalapeños on my pizza, but that’s a separate issue. For now I’m talking about the sort of cheap entertainment our society used to cherish. Films such as Blazing Saddles and Airplane, or the poetry of Ogden Nash and Edward Lear (whatever happened to the limerick?). [Read more…]

My Top 6 Underrated Sci-fi Movies

Serenity Movie PosterHere are the Green Porch’s favorite sci-fi movies that haven’t seen the love they deserve. Why, you may ask, would I bother blathering on about such a trifle? Hey, everyone else is yammering about Tim Tebow and Ron Paul, so why can’t I give some props to a few movies that deserve more attention? (Sheesh, get off your high speeder).

Anywho, you may not have seen them, but I’ll give you some reasons as to why you should. So let’s get on with… [Read more…]