Confessions of a Dr. Pepper Addict

Dublin Dr. Pepper six packHow many of you own an honest to goodness flag emblazoned with the logo of your favorite soft drink? (O.K. several of you.) But do you also have photographic evidence of a college dorm room wall decorated with sticky 12 ounce cans?

Satan’s syrup, white mambo, carob powder. However you pronounce it, there is an addictive chemical used in every can of Dr. Pepper which makes you crave it much more often than fortnightly. While this disastrous addiction is spreading like gangrene across the United States resulting in increased blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, irritable bowel and the sugar shakes, one tiny section of Texas still sucks down their juice pure–the forty square miles between Stephenville and Hico.

The original bottler of Dr. Pepper in Dublin, Texas still shoots their bottles up with pure Imperial Cane Sugar. The street value of this rare, high quality DP can run anywhere from .50 cents to $2.00 for an eight ounce bottle. (Although it can cost you your life if caught with a six-pack in a dark alley on the Texas State University Campus in San Marcos.)

While the dirty, white truth is that any form of Dr. Pepper can cost you your life, Dublin DP was how I learned to dance with the devil. And it’s time we wake up America. Rumors have run rampant for decades as to what Dr. Pepper’s secret ingredient really is. Some say prune juice. Some say motor oil. In reality its straight, hard, death. And at nearly 30% obesity, the state of Texas is clearly losing the battle.

Take it from a Texan who’s been clean for 15 years. There can be life after Dublin DP, but its no Dr. Pepper Pound Cake walk. It’ll get ugly, real ugly. If you can’t make the break cold turkey, try swapping out DP for Shiner Bock. Or try smoking instead. (Whatever you do, don’t switch over to Diet DP! It’s a trick, and the diet can be even more destructive than the original.)

When you find yourself on hands and knees licking up a sticky spot of Vicks VapoRub on the Piggly Wiggly floor, you’ll know it’s time to find help. Only you can save your life–twelve ounces at a time.

Click here or here for help breaking your DP habit.

About David Mark Brown

Writer. Novelist. Redneck. Granola. Raised on a Texas cattle ranch and schooled at the U of Montana (Berkeley of the Rockies), I am the world’s most self-proclaimed redneck granola and author of optimistic-dystopian dieselpunk, sci-fi thrillers and young adult literature.

Comments

  1. I am at one 20 ouncer a day, and Dublin Dr. Pepper is not available up here in the Wiscsonsin territory, but I still feel addicted to Dr. Pepper. You know what’s even better and more addicting, but a little harder to find? Doc 360, the Pepsi “alternative”.

    I just saw something on Nightline last night about how food affects the reward center in the brain similarly to drugs. I do believe it, especially when I crave a Dr. P. I have no other addictions. I am a healthy person overall — granola myself, but with a strange hypocritic addiction to Dr. Pepper. Every day I say that I should stop drinking it. But it gets me through my work day and I look forward to rewarding myself at 11 am. Dang.

    • Hang in there, Sarah! There is hope! I’ve made the conversion to tea. I’ve even managed to reduce the sugar level to something manageable. But then again, I’ve also started drinking red wine. I feel like it is healthier for me than Dr. Pepper, but I suppose with its own set of risks!

    • I’m right there with you, Sarah. I just try to drive myself harder and harder for the reward. That way I figure at least I’m being productive!

  2. I frequently joke that I need a 12 Step program to quit Dr Pepper. I’ve been clean and sober for three days now. You’re right. Soda is death, or at least Type 2 Diabetes, in a can. Great article!

  3. I have a horrible addiction to dr. Pepper. I drink 8-10 cans a day and have for about 6 years. If I don’t have it, I get shaky and have terrible migraines. I’ve tried substituting it for tea or anything else but I still have the same symptoms. I cannot drink any other soda only Dr. Pepper. I have been told I will have kidney failure in the future if I don’t stop but I have no idea how.

  4. James Harley Avery says:

    Ok. I’ve been drinking D. P. for years and I’m up to about a 12-pack a day. Yeah, you read it right 12-pack. Sounds crazy but I can drink a can of it faster than anyone can drink a can of beer. Just trust me on that one. I don’t want to prove myself correct on that fact to anyone. Maybe I drink so many D. P. because I suffer Cluster Headaches. I don’t know. It’s becoming almost impossible to keep up with what my body wants to drink of them and I do go through a little bit of DT’s without a few a day at the least. Anyway, I just had to share this before I go through the challenge of trying to quit. No, I’m not fat or obese. I’m actually 5’8″ and about 150lbs at 44 years of age and in pretty good shape for a man my age. I don’t like tea or cool-aid and never have. Water, milk or soft drinks is all I can remember drinking. A V-8 every now and then and maybe a sports drink but rarely. As I said, I just had to share this fact before I try to quit just in case it kills me.

    • Wow, a 12-pack! James, that for sure is the most I’ve heard. Good luck with kicking the habit, and if you survive I would love to hear about it! I still jones for one every now and then, but I feel better now that I’ve been off for some years.

  5. David Sertich says:

    Alright. I’ve been drinking Dr.pepper for almost more than have my life.( I am 13) I have a picture of me as a baby, reaching for my sisters can of Dr.pepper in my mothers arms. I drink 6 12 fl oz cans a day at home and Restaurants I get up to 4 refiles or more depending on how much syrup is added in. I live in Texas and everybody at my school knows I love Dr.pepper. When I don’t have Dr.pepper for more than a couple hours I get horrible headaches. I often get Dublin Dr.pepper at the market and sometimes the 16 fl oz at the gas station. I’ve tried to stop but I can’t seem to. My teeth have been Scarred by it and my right side bottom teeth have lost almost all of they’re enamel. I have never liked any other drink not even water. I am not obese. I ride a bike every day. When my sister quit she lost about 30 lbs. I hope to stop.

    • David, I know your pain. The headaches are due to the caffeine addiction. If you can find a way to cut back gradually on the caffeine (or replace it with something less deadly, then you should be able to minimize the headache portion of your attempts to go clean from DP! Best of luck. I know your teeth and overall health will thank you when you succeed!

  6. Cerys Williams says:

    I am drinking about 6 litres a day… It’s really scary because it’s all I’m having lately, I’m drinking so much that I don’t even eat food much. Maybe a packet of crisps some days or a sandwich or something but not much else… I pretty much refuse to drink much else, I’m dehydrated in school as they don’t allow fizzy drinks and all… Constant tummy aches and all… It’s addicting man…

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