The first thing you need to do to live a happy life is figure out where you fall on the redneck-granola-personality-test. Trust me, this isn’t as simple of a process as it sounds. As the original redneckgranola it has taken me over thirty years of my life to place myself accurately on the RGS (after making it up just now).
Since I realize you, kind reader, have less time for such matters, I have refined the process down to 5 questions of pure life-coaching genius. Today I offer the first four questions to you for free. The fifth question can also be yours for the low, low cost of reading the first four. Once you have read and answered these five questions truthfully all of your life’s decision making will flow smoothly from your RGS ranking. (Answer questions and then score yourself after.)
- ~ Do you, or do you desire to eat Thai or Vietnamese food on a weekly basis?
- ~ Is the vehicle to person ratio of your nuclear family (living under the same roof or on the same compound) greater than one to one (more cars, trucks, RV’s, and boats than people. Do not include farm equipment necessary for livelihood.)
- ~ Do family gathers and major holidays feel incomplete without some sort of “shoot-off” or bloodsport?
- ~ In your opinion, does conserve, reuse, recycle extend beyond reloading spent shell casings and using truck parts as lawn ornaments?
- ~ Do you belong to or frequent two or more co-ops?
Answer summary: Add up your total “R’s” and “G’s” according to how you responded to each question. Your ratio of “R’s” to “G’s” will designate your position on the RGS.
- If you answered yes to 1.) score yourself a “G.” If no, score an “R.”
- If no to 2.) score yourself a “G.” If yes, score an “R.”
- If no to 3.) score yourself a “G.” If yes, score an “R.”
- If yes to 4.) score yourself a “G.” If no, score an “R.”
- If yes to 5.) score yourself a “G.” If no, score an “R.”[divider]
If you scored 4 or 5 “R’s” or “G’s” then you are clearly on one side of the spectrum or the other. Embrace your lack of balance and make choices accordingly.
If you scored 2 or 3 “R’s” and “G’s” this makes you either a redneck granola or a granola redneck meaning you are a complicated and/or tormented soul. A happy life for you is unlikely (because balance, while often bringing meaning, rarely brings happiness). Now that you know the truth you should feel liberated in your decision making process, because whatever you decide, you’re still being true to yourself.[divider]
Happy living. (full disclosure: I scored a 3G/2R. So technically that would make me a GranolaRedneck at the moment, but I still consider myself the original RedneckGranola.)