Redneck Sustainability: Toilet Gardening

I realize the title of this blog could go in different directions.  That’s good for the

Reclining Toilet by Downtowngal
Reclining Toilet by Downtowngal

imagination.  And a recent toilet snafu has left me exercising my imagination as well.  I manage a house that has 5 toilets in it.  That’s a lot of shiz, a lot of flushing, and a lot of things to go wrong.  A couple of weeks ago the last of my “jet-pack” toilets (you know, the kind in public restrooms that would frighten the piss out of you if you hadn’t just voluntarily evacuated it) finally lost its flush and had to go.

The problem is, I don’t have access to the ranch truck anymore, I live in a city and I drive a Honda Civic.  I can fit my tools in the trunk, but not a broken down toilet.  Clearly you can see my dilemma.

The redneck in me won out on that day, and I just decided to deposit the toilet discretely in the side yard and leave it.  Heck, I even threw the tank in the garbage can.  What’s a broken down toilet in a yard among friends and neighbors?  Oh, did I forget to mention that the house I manage is across the street from a major public university and a couple houses down from a bar?

Yeah, within a week the toilet had been redeemed by a passerby and had discovered new life.  I can’t say this was totally unexpected.  I seem to recall discovering an abandoned toilet on campus during my own student days.  The granola in me thinks this is great.  A rejected object is being reused.  But, on the other hand, a yard-crapper of this sort doesn’t really seem to be sustainable or ecologically safe.  This brings me back to the title of this blog: Toilet Gardening.

Just think of all the great ways a ceramic toilet could be used to enhance the aesthetics and functionality of a residential garden.  This is the perfect combination of yard pickens and sustainable living.  It could be a mulcher and planter all in one, a rain gage or quiet place to take a load off and enjoy the peace of nature.  But to cut down on public indecency, I think I have decided to use my sledge hammer to create a nice ceramic grist I can use in the bottom of planters and for drainage in the side bed where water collects.  The sledge hammering will at least be fun, but if you have better ideas I would love to hear them.

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