Redneck Sustainability: Two-finger wave

driver giving digitus impudicus

In urban areas the standard greeting between motorists is usually the one-figure salute. You know, digitus impudicus, the bird, the middle finger mambo.  And why the hell not?  It communicates so much about our modern, metrosexual, urbanista lifestyle without even having to say a word, and from the safety and comfort of our H3, Bimmer or Smartcar.

No more need for, “Hey, nice move, you jackass,” or “Where did you learn to drive? The South Central Academy of Driving Arts for the Stupid Jackass?!”  In these ecourban days we just fly the bird, or the double bird if on a strait away, and continue to ram our foot down on the pedal.  Well, rural Americans have a different way.

I call it the two-finger wave, although this is a bit of a misnomer because motorists can use anywhere from one finger to five and they rarely if ever actually wave them.  If you have ever driven in the county then you know what I mean.  And if you still insist that people don’t wave in your neck of the woods then just admit that you live in the suburbs and try taking a drive into the sticks.

And what pray tell does this have to do with sustainability, you may ask?  Simple, really.  Rednecks may not drive a lot of Priuses (is that the plural for Prius?), but they know how to shift their truck into neutral when coasting down a hill.  The same principle is put into play with the two-finger wave.

While urbanites are flying the finger and punching the gas, rednecks live by a simple and sustainable motto: Don’t drive pissed (in reference to driving angry not drunk unfortunately).  Driving angry has been proven by a team of scientists doing scientific experiments while espousing the scientific method to burn more gas thus putting more hazardous greenhouse emissions into our precious environment.

The two finger wave, on the other hand, is the rural way of ensuring a steady temper, a level gas pedal and an earth-friendly attitude.  So the next time you are tempted to look down your nose at a redneck driving a rickety, gas-guzzling Chevy truck try loosening up your shoulders, letting off the gas and flying em a two-finger wave instead.

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