Rednecks Will Save us from our Computer Overlords

250px-john_connor_t4I remember a time when stuff used to be done with a creative combination of craft, human dexterity, ingenuity and the computing force of the human mind.  When the final product rose triumphantly out of its raw materials the creator knew exactly what it contained and what it was capable of and how to keep it capable of that.  Now it is only a matter of time before we look to John Connor to deliver us.  I realize Connor isn’t a stereotypical redneck, but he’s a redneck stuck in a suburban rat body (play along, come on).

Seriously, am I the only one who remembers such UIL competitions as “Number Sense?”  As a 4th grader I was taught to add and subtract several three digits numbers in my head and write down the answer.  I can routinely amaze people at the grocery store by pulling out the right amount of cash to within a dollar before my couple dozen items are tallied by the register.  But it’s not that hard, I swear!

I am a bit of a purist here, but I don’t even really like to use a calculator.  I know that I am typing right now on a computer, and I am not advocating that we eradicate all technology.  I just think that it is worth while to do some things by hand.  I am not convinced that putting a computer chip in everything is the best way to go.  Luckily for us, rednecks all over the U.S. are still doing things “back ass-wards,” and by that I mean manually.

Rednecks are often the last people to adapt a new technology, only after it is well vetted by the gear whores and giddy fad followers.  This preserves them from a certain shallow lack of sincerity.  Are we really all going to go out and slap smart meters on our homes for several hundred dollars in order to tell us how to shut off the lights to save twenty bucks?  A redneck won’t.  Are we gonna’ go out and replace our light bulbs with CFL’s to save electricity and money in the long run?  Rednecks all over the U.S. waited until Home Depot was handing them out for free and replaced all the bulbs in the barn too.

Let’s just say that while I’m typing on this here computer I am secretly hiding an EMP that my Mac doesn’t know about, and I still remember how to survive “redneck style,” by the sweat of my brow and the fruit of my hands.

Leave a Comment