Sippy Cups and Carpet

sippy cupThey say necessity is the mother of invention. I say stupidity is the father. Sure, war has produced many of humanities greatest and worst inventions. But couldn’t we have avoided most of these wars in the first place if humanity didn’t consist of 48% numb-nuts and 37% dill-weeds? (statistics may not represent actual data).

Where would Marie Curie’s discovery of polonium and radium actually gotten us without the Manhattan Project? And if Ben Franklin hadn’t excepted the drunken, double-dog dare to tie a key to a kite? But where am I going with this? Sippy cups and carpet.

I say that from now on, the merit of inventions should be judged on the preceding inventions that necessitated them. In this case, sippy cups (invented in the early 80’s and sold to Playtex) should not be judged on their simple yet brilliant ability to keep staining liquids inside their assigned drinking containers, but instead on the stupidity of the cultural invention of wall to wall carpet.

Seriously. Some parents may pretend that the cup is for the child — to create a sense of well-being and confidence, blah, blah, blah. Unless the parents plan on beating their children for staining the carpet, this is all a bunch of hooey.

Sippy cups exist because of two things: grape juice and wall to wall carpet. Since I can’t advocate getting rid of grape juice, that leaves carpet to blame. The nineteenth century introduced economical and widespread varnished hardwood flooring.

That should have been the end of the story. We in the U.S. should have learned our lessen and ended the madness of wall to wall carpeting. (Fist off, it’s not conducive to indoor livestock. Secondly, if you witnessed the amount of hair and debris my body sloughs off during an average day, you’d broaden your definition of indoor livestock.) But during the golden age after WWII we re-embraced the wanton world of wall to wall carpet.

From shag to berber, look at us now — a culture of sippy cups and steam cleaners. It’s ludicrous. But with the end of the U.S.’s economic golden age, I advocate going back to dirt floors (or hardwood and tile if you’re going to be like that). This could be a societal regression embraced by rednecks and granolas alike.[divider]

(No sippy cups were harmed in the creation of this post.)

5 thoughts on “Sippy Cups and Carpet”

  1. Succulents don’t do well under foot traffic so: dirt it is. (hey, we’re cloth diapering… might as well revert to Laura Ingalls dugout days while we’re at it.)

  2. Now you guys are talking. Just think how much easier potty training would be. No more rug burn. The list goes on…


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