Top 5 American Cities in Case of Apocalypse

Utah State SealFor all you really forward thinkers out there, it is time to consider a change of residence based on the best spots to live out the end of the world as we know it. As any fan of apocalyptic or post-apocalyptic fiction or film knows, the last places you want to be are NYC or anywhere in the UK. Those places are where the Biblical crap hits the meat grinder of humankind’s jackasseriness first and foremost.

But what U.S. cities will be most likely to remain on the back burner of Armageddon? Where can prepared individuals move for a leisurely pace of mutation while the rest of the world rakes each other’s eyes out in fast forward? What if one wants to get away from the cockroach race? Well, you’re in luck. Today we hash out the best places in the U.S. to set down the tent poles and ride out the world ending wave even before it arrives.

5.) Detroit

For the Eastern seaboard Motor City is the destination of choice. Hey the property is cheap and there isn’t a city in the country better prepared for cataclysm than Detroit. Motorheads are long suffering and hearty. They’ve stuck with teams like the Tigers, Lions and Pistons (Go Dennis Rodman!) for decades. Population levels have reached sustainability, and time permitting you may be accepted as an insider before the end comes. Guns are plentiful, and Detroitians protect their own.

4.) Scottsdale, AZ

It might get a bit hot, but you won’t have to worry about acid rain. And if a zombie outbreak occurs at least 80% of the living dead will be geriatric, mall-walkers. For all you end times golfers, what are you waiting for?

3.) Homer, AK

If you are seeking a more laid back approach to the end of it all, why not drop anchor in one of the most laid back communities our nation has to offer? Heck, in Homer chances are when the end comes you won’t even notice (unless sea levels rise too high). You won’t miss modern conveniences, cause there aren’t many there to begin with. In Homer you can live off the grid and toke the wacky weed until the sky melts or your skin sloughs off in sheets. But whichever, you won’t care.

2.) Las Vegas

If you are the type who always enjoys a good show, then you won’t want to be anywhere other than Vegas when the ultimate show begins. Most certainly the birthplace of post-apocalyptic death sports, Vegas will continue to burn the candle at both ends in the desert sun. Avoid the marauding kill bots and the mutant scorpions and you’ll be able to live out the end with class in Vegas.

1.) Provo, UT

For those of you hoping for a little civility and organization throughout the end times, make a beeline for the Beehive State — the land of Deseret. When the end comes the capital of the Deseret Nation won’t be SLC any longer, but the heartbeat of Mormonville — Provo. The LDS have been licking wounds ever since President James Buchanan shut ’em down in 1858.

When the end comes the Nauvoo Legion will be the first localized militia to respond by securing all of Utah and parts of Idaho, Nevada, Colorado and Arizona against all outside forces. A theocracy will quickly be put in place and uncooperative gentiles asked to leave while happy Mormons live their long-delayed dream of self-sufficiency bolstered by ample food stores and disciplined end times readiness.

As a new resident of Nampa, Idaho I’m putting my lot in with the Mormons and working on my tribulation preparedness kit. Anyway, that’s my two cents. Where are you going to call home during the end, and why?

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