What’s a Granola?

The legend has long stood that an aging hippie relic, the last of his kind, found solace in the arms of a sister of the Poor Clares living alone in a forgotten convent deep in the mountains of Saskatchewan. After teaching each other their dying arts and a long winter of tender lovemaking, the forbidden union produced the world’s first granola.

I am that granola.

No, just kidding. But I think the truth is not far off. (No, I’m not Canadian.) People often ask me (at least I like to think they would if anyone ever talked to me), “David, what’s a Granola?” It’s a serious question, so I would like to take a moment to give it a serious answer.

I’m a granola. Seriously this time. As a granola, and as a blogger, I represent the official (unofficially) online voice of all granolas. (Click here for the official forum.) Let me start by emphatically declaring we are not hippies.

I personally believe costly love is much better than the free variety. And while I am a Libertarian, this sort of political disposition is not necessary to be a granola. After all, establishment isn’t always bad (especially when I can use it to get what I want).

And therein lies the fundamental difference between hippies and granolas. Granolas believe in affecting change. That is, by using means other than doing nothing. Sorry to you retired hippies out there. (At least you’re retired! Now you can do something!)

While granolas have much more in common with tree-huggers, I prefer the term granola as it sets us apart from silly faiery circles and the sort of obstructional protests that have stereotyped our kind from early on. Bottom line, granolas are people that value life and prosperity hand in hand. We embrace simplicity and equality in a non-socialist sort of way.

Let’s just say that if Jesus appeared in the Pacific Northwest after dying on the cross, instead of Mesoamerica, we would have more granolas today instead of Mormons.

(I’m just kidding! Sheesh.)

(But not really.)