Wear a Loincloth. Save Your Brains.

Loincloth posterAt the risk of breaking some unspoken taboo around saying the word loincloth too frequently for modern society, I’m coming forward with the end all solution to air travel security.

I mean, am I the only one freaking out over the rash (two) of contrived UEDs (undergarment explosive devices)? How can this stand? And what sort of security molestation will we be subject to next?

All travelers upon commercial airlines should be required to wear a standard uniform–the loincloth.

But never fear. There is a simple solution. [Read more…]

Sippy Cups and Carpet

sippy cupThey say necessity is the mother of invention. I say stupidity is the father. Sure, war has produced many of humanities greatest and worst inventions. But couldn’t we have avoided most of these wars in the first place if humanity didn’t consist of 48% numb-nuts and 37% dill-weeds? (statistics may not represent actual data).

Where would Marie Curie’s discovery of polonium and radium actually gotten us without the Manhattan Project? And if Ben Franklin hadn’t excepted the drunken, double-dog dare to tie a key to a kite? But where am I going with this? Sippy cups and carpet. [Read more…]