An Open Letter to Matt Groening
A few of my closest friends believe it has been my lifelong dream to be in a Gap commercial. I’m officially going on record in this confession letter to you, Mr. Groening, to declare this has always been a smokescreen to protect me from the devastation of never attaining my true lifelong dream–being referenced on The Simpsons.
Lord knows why, (I was a troubled youth with anti-social tendencies) but as a twelve-year-old in 1987 I religiously watched The Tracey Ullman Show. Perhaps it was the attainable crudeness of the animation, but something about The Simpson shorts captured my imagination from the very beginning. By the time Homer became the focus of the series, I had gripped the genesis of longing to my forming teenage bosom (actually, I’m really skinny and never had much of a man bosom, but I like the expression).
My motivation in attaining cultural notoriety has been to be written into the script of a Simpsons’ episode. Why reveal this closely clutched ambition now after so many years? The realization of complete and utter failure. [Read more...]
Redneck Sustainability: Black Fingernail
You know you are a redneck if you’ve got a black fingernail in your wedding photo. (Sorry, Dad.) But honestly, how often do city folk end up with a black nail?
I hadn’t pondered the issue much of late, until the other day I punched a hole in my thumbnail with a bouncing nail gun. Now, part of the issue may deal more with the fact rednecks tend to throw caution to the wind in order to “git ‘er done” whether they have procured the appropriate tools for getting said job done or not. (It turns out a framing gun may not be the best tool for building a planter box).
But to meander slowly back to my point, I’ve spent the last few weeks watching my black nail grow out. (Seeing how I spend most of my time typing, I’m rather glad I didn’t lose it all together.) After musing over my black nail and the hasty choices that led to its formation, I’ve decided Rednecks have once again procured the moral high ground of sustainable living. [Read more...]
RRS Roundup: Space Out, Tune In
This week on Read it! Review it! Share it! I offer a little bit of outer space, both satirically lighthearted and… not so much. First off:
Gabriel’s Redemption (Evan Gabriel Trilogy)
Meet Evan Gabriel. He’s your lovable military flunky. Does the right thing, saves his men, gets knifed in the back by political nepotism. You want the truth! You can’t handle the truth! Anyway, in this little gem of a book, Gabriel is reactivated for duty after a dishonorable discharge during the latter half of the 22nd century.
The assignment is to stop a designer drug called Dew from overwhelming the military and the human race at large. The twist is that it comes from off planet, a long way off planet. That should be all you need to get you revved up and ready for reading Gabriel’s Redemption, a well conceived and executed science fiction, military thriller.
The tech is thought out and sprinkled throughout the opening at a smooth pace, as is Gabriel’s character. Overall, Umstead offers us a shining example of why independent authors are here to stay. Oh, and the other two in the trilogy are available as well. Read it! Review it! Share it!
Now let me introduce you to Neville Lansdowne, the protagonist of an unusually fun, satirical little story along the lines of The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. If you didn’t know, let me tell you. The Little Prince is one of my all-time favorite books (one of my must-read-before-the-age-of-eighteen-or-risk-being-a-screw-up books).
But this little review is about, Doodling, not that other classic. Jonathan Gould doesn’t quite pack the same amount of life wisdom in his short, satirical gem, but he comes close. After Neville lets go of the earth he meets an assortment of individuals who have all done exactly the same thing. Soon it becomes apparent what his new aim in life should be, and the reader will enjoy tagging along to see how it all turns out.
Amusing and insightful for all ages, Doodling shouts for one and all to Read it! Review it! Share it!
Evolution of an Indie: Assume You Suck
Entering my third year as an indie, it is my responsibility to impart sage wisdom to the world. (Don’t blink, or you might miss it.) See the series introduction post for more on my saga. But for now, lesson #2 for 2012:
In the beginning, assume you can’t do anything well.
A depressing bit of realism, I know. But I’m going somewhere with this. Indie publishing requires skills not just in writing, but in art, formatting, design, marketing, sales and social media. The fact might be that you are pretty dang good at most everything you do. If you are expressing indie art, then it’s a garunteed certainty you think you are. And that is exactly the problem.
Artists are renown for lofty passions detached from a cruel reality. We think everything we do is art, while everything else is cunning drivel at best. Unfortunately, we are wrong, most of the time. (Or at least this is often true in the beginning.) [Read more...]
My Top 6 Underrated Sci-fi Movies
Here are the Green Porch’s favorite sci-fi movies that haven’t seen the love they deserve. Why, you may ask, would I bother blathering on about such a trifle? Hey, everyone else is yammering about Tim Tebow and Ron Paul, so why can’t I give some props to a few movies that deserve more attention? (Sheesh, get off your high speeder).
Anywho, you may not have seen them, but I’ll give you some reasons as to why you should. So let’s get on with… [Read more...]
Let the eBook Binging Begin
Now that you’ve slept off your fudge hangover and fully charged your new eReading device, it’s time to start binging on eBooks! But where to begin, and how to avoid the dreaded eBook hangover?
1.) Focus, focus, focus. Every port and galactic eBar in the eBook eVerse promises cheep or free eBooks. Most of these sites are trying to harvest clicks or funnel you toward their own books (of all the nerve. Oh, if you haven’t yet, click here to buy my latest book). Find a few trustworthy sites you like and learn how to get the most out of them. Learning how to find what you want on a even a high quality site for free/cheap eBooks is an art as well as a science. [Read more...]
Welcome to the Green Porch! Yep, this is my blog. It's a meeting place for those interested in the art of conversation, story, community and sustainability. Hey, its a big porch. There's room for all of us, so pull up a chair and I'll pour you a drink (adult beverages after 2:00pm, which where I'm from is also known as the watermelon hour).