granola

Redneck Sustainability: Delay Laundry Day

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And you guys thought I was weird for wearing the same pair of hemp pants for a year while washing them once a week. As it turns out, I could have worn them much longer and helped save the human race from utter destruction by never laundering them a single time! (Okay, maybe after getting shat upon by my son a washing would have been appropriate.)

University of Alberta student, Josh Le, wore his pair of raw denim jeans for 15 months before washing them. In a university lab bacteria samples were taken before and after washing as well as after wearing the pants for just a couple of weeks.

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The Redneck Granola’s Code for Living

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Zombieland Movie PosterIn today’s amoral world it seems the majority of folk wander the surface of the earth as if trying for the part of an extra on the Zombieland set. Unsure of how to deal with or construct nuanced moral values, we instead bounce around life aimlessly while mumbling, “brains, must have brains.”

But trust me, eating brains don’t do a damn bit of good in making a lad smarter. So in response to the sparkling void of moral verisimilitude I’ve prepared my Redneck Granola’s Code for Living–three rock solid rules you can take to the bank. No complicated philosophies or insincere scams intent on making jerks likable or transforming chumps into champs. Just wisdom too simple to be comprehended by most.

(You have to think in a lower wavelength. Like the spectrum of light invisible to the naked eye, there’s a spectrum of thought unthinkable to those with too much brains. Just whack yourself in the head a couple of times with a bottle and keep reading.)

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5 Ways to Go Granola Secretly

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Treehuggers InternationalIf you’ve thought about hugging a tree, but were too worried about getting pitch on your Dickies (or explaining the stains to your family) then maybe you can start with hugging something other than a pine tree. (Sheez, slow down Rambo. You can’t just hug a pine without working up to it!) Seriously, until you feel comfortable coming out of the composting closet, there are ways to go granola on the sly. Here are the Green Porch’s top five: