Olympic Redneck Volleyball

Everyone has their opinion about what the next olympic sport should be. But in the true unifying spirit of the Olympics, I humbly offer an idea ten times better than yours–redneck volleyball.

If like me you’ve grown tired of watching supple and well-oiled human bodies accomplish amazing physical feats so demanding that only an unbalanced individual could accomplish them, then redneck volleyball is for you.

The Pit

Played outdoors, the pit can consist of anywhere between 20% to 80% sand with the rest of the particulate matter ranging from dirt, weeds, manure and/or gravel. Changing conditions from location to location is part of the challenge. [Read more…]

Redneck Sustainability: Eating Dirt

Kids have always known it. Rednecks and the rural have long embraced it. Urban hipsters are stumbling upon it by accident. Not only is dirt wholesome, it’s healthy.

Living according to the oppressive saying, “cleanliness is next to Godliness,” can not only lead to compulsive behavior, but it can reduce you to a 98-pound weakling. For any of you yankees who still beg to differ, even the New York Times has agreed for years (click here for a story on babies eating dirt, and here for dirt and allergies).

So go ahead. Sterilize everything. Dip everything in a commercial chemical bath before consumption. And keep on sneezing your sterile snot into your precious sanitary facial tissues while the rest of us gain beneficial microbes and strengthened immunity from indulging in the sacred 3-second rule (or 60-second rule, or the universal “trash-cookie” policy). [Read more…]

Redneck Sustainability: How to Dig a Big Hole

As the rather disturbing saying goes, there’s more than one way to skin a cat. Not sure which states actually allow cat skinning. But I’m sure you’re familiar with the expression, “It’s only an expression.” That said, I’d like to talk about digging holes.

These days there are lots of ways to go about digging a big hole: skid loaders, back hoes, trenchers, pneumatic diggers, etc. But one old-fashion means of digging remains. You might have heard of it–the shovel.

The art of shovel-wielding has been maintained by a small, elite group of blue-collar professionals and rednecks. It’s one of those skills you begrudging learn as a youth only to be grateful for later in life when confronted with the collapse of society. [Read more…]