redneck sustainability Archives - Page 3 of 5

Redneck Sustainability: 5 Cyber Monday Cures

November 28, 2011 by David Mark Brown

In our consumerism drunk society Cyber Week is the virtual hangover from Thanksgiving’s Black Friday. And the whole things seems to be focusing on gluttony a scoche more than gratitude (if you ask me). But once again, rednecks can show the rest of us the way toward a more sustainable life by offering us cures to the Cyber Week blues.

Think General. The rural predecessor to today’s tawdry dollar store was the dime store, or the general store. In some parts of rural America rednecks continue to benefit from the simplicity of true one-stop holiday shopping at said stores. And in this instance I don’t mean Walmart’s brand of one-stop shopping. Duplicating the general store experience today requires some creative thought to figure out which one, local establishment could provide all of your gift-giving needs. Rather than coming up with specific present ideas, get a general idea, go to your chosen store and peruse while your mind ruminates over each person on your list. (I’m heading to the state liquor store this year!)

Redneck Sustainability: Urban Scrappers

November 7, 2011 by David Mark Brown

When I say “urban scrapper,” I’m not talking about some underground Sunday night fight club for hipsters with too much kempt up frustration, I’m talking about today’s savvy, entrepreneurial recycler of society’s droppings.

This duty has increasingly been taken up by the growing and noble urban class of redneck–the urban scrapper. And the rest of us, who wince or even shudder with disgust at the idea of getting intimate with the undoing of our daily cast-off (Cast-off: (n.) the dreck that ripples outward in the wake of a typical modern life on a daily basis) owe the scrapper a profound debt of gratitude.

You see, while I’m sustainability conscientious, like most of us, I’m dastardly lazy.

Redneck Sustainability: Paint Glove Philosophy

June 6, 2011 by David Mark Brown

Some of my uninitiated readers may yet be ignorant of such things as paint gloves or paint mitts. But they’re essentially paint brushes you wear on your hands, used mostly for painting pipe and such. As a young redneck I spent much of one glorious summer gently caressing the underbellies of mile after mile of pipe while wearing said paint glove.

The job at hand was to freshen up the pipe corrals on the family ranch which consisted of enough lots, runs, gates, chutes and ladders to create a dozen life-sized redneck versions of the child’s board game. Lest you think I exaggerate, I’ve included a photograph of a stockpile of metal pipe of which I’m sure would be insufficient to represent the amount of pipe constituted by our corrals.

The six-pipe-high corral, (redneck maze of pipe) equalled a butt-load of rustoleum red paint and a couple dozen lambs wool paint gloves. If it hadn’t of been for the tinny, ranch truck radio set to 94.9 the EDGE and basking me in Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus, and Matthew Sweet’s Girlfriend, I would have truly gone mad.