In today’s amoral world it seems the majority of folk wander the surface of the earth as if trying for the part of an extra on the Zombieland set. Unsure of how to deal with or construct nuanced moral values, we instead bounce around life aimlessly while mumbling, “brains, must have brains.”
But trust me, eating brains don’t do a damn bit of good in making a lad smarter. So in response to the sparkling void of moral verisimilitude I’ve prepared my Redneck Granola’s Code for Living–three rock solid rules you can take to the bank. No complicated philosophies or insincere scams intent on making jerks likable or transforming chumps into champs. Just wisdom too simple to be comprehended by most.
(You have to think in a lower wavelength. Like the spectrum of light invisible to the naked eye, there’s a spectrum of thought unthinkable to those with too much brains. Just whack yourself in the head a couple of times with a bottle and keep reading.)
Folk who live the button down life in town (known as the “rat race” until this was seen as discriminatory to vermin) might need a little assistance in letting their mullet down. If that’s the case, here are five great ways to add a little redneck to your white collar world (the Green Porch is always doing its part):