Redneck Sustainability Archives - Page 7 of 12

Redneck Sustainability: Set Guns to Airplane Mode

April 27, 2012November 26, 2010 by David Mark Brown

http://cartoonnewsmagazine.com/greatminds.html

I’ll admit, I have forgotten for entire flights to set my smartphone to airplane mode. Only one of those fights had to execute an emergency landing after dumping extra fuel over the Great Salt Lake. But, I never forget to wear my special security checkpoint outfit when traveling the friendly skies: sandals (no socks), form fitting spandex without belt and cotton undershirt (wife-beater style). It’s lickety-split through the dessembly line for me, and I never get a pat-down.

I figure the less I leave to the imagination the less likely anyone will want to imagine anything about me, including the likelihood that I might suddenly trill at the top of my voice and yell “Mecca, Mecca, Allah, Jihad!”

But at the same time, I realize that many of my fellow Americans are deeply concerned about the “porn scanners” that are popping up at TSA checkpoints. But, I ask you to once again consider the sustainable wisdom of rednecks. What if the wise redneck was in charge of airport security?

Redneck Sustainability: Two-finger wave

November 3, 2010 by David Mark Brown

In urban areas the standard greeting between motorists is usually the one-figure salute. You know, digitus impudicus, the bird, the middle finger mambo. And why the hell not? It communicates so much about our modern, metrosexual, urbanista lifestyle without even having to say a word, and from the safety and comfort of our H3, Bimmer or Smartcar.

No more need for, “Hey, nice move, you jackass,” or “Where did you learn to drive? The South Central Academy of Driving Arts for the Stupid Jackass?!” In these ecourban days we just fly the bird, or the double bird if on a strait away, and continue to ram our foot down on the pedal. Well, rural Americans have a different way.

Redneck Sustainability: Get ‘er Done

October 9, 2010 by David Mark Brown

There are two kinds of rednecks. They can be identified by their mudflaps/bumper stickers. One is the “back off” Yosemite Sam redneck while the other is the “get ‘er done” redneck. (*Full disclosure: I am from Texas where we have mastered blending both kinds of rednecks, thus creating the “Don’t Mess with Texas” master redneck. This is for another post.)

Now, the back off redneck is legit by his own right, but when it comes to sustainability the get ‘er done redneck has the prize pig. Blue ribbon.