Open Letter to Film Producers

cruise as sleazy producerProduction companies, studios, producers (sleazy or otherwise), look no further. The story for your next production can be found among the Lost DMB Files. How can I be so confident? Simple.

I’m a writer who is barely literate. My strongest influences are film. I write every scene of my novels and shorts as a transcription from the images playing across my mind’s eye. Hell, now that I’ve got kids I write stuff the same way I chug down Jerry Bruckheimer episodes from Hulu, in digestible 43 minute chunks.

My books are made for the silver screen and the consumers who would rather watch a human explode than read a human drama.

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Redneck Sustainability: Eating Dirt

kids eat dirtKids have always known it. Rednecks and the rural have long embraced it. Urban hipsters are stumbling upon it by accident. Not only is dirt wholesome, it’s healthy.

Living according to the oppressive saying, “cleanliness is next to Godliness,” can not only lead to compulsive behavior, but it can reduce you to a 98-pound weakling. For any of you yankees who still beg to differ, even the New York Times has agreed for years (click here for a story on babies eating dirt, and here for dirt and allergies).

So go ahead. Sterilize everything. Dip everything in a commercial chemical bath before consumption. And keep on sneezing your sterile snot into your precious sanitary facial tissues while the rest of us gain beneficial microbes and strengthened immunity from indulging in the sacred 3-second rule (or 60-second rule, or the universal “trash-cookie” policy).

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Indie Artists Going For Broke

now hiring signDuring times of uncertainty the natural tendency is to play it conservative, to cut back. Businesses begin to let employees go and search out ways to trim the vestigial tail (or fat if you want to stick to convention). Some believe this to be the exact wrong response.

These contrarians say the best course of action is to invest more. Instead of cutting personnel, hire additional employees in order to best the competition with top notch customer service and/or new innovative ideas. Seek out soft spots in the market to expand into, etc.

When it comes to self-publishing and indie artistry I’ve been pondering how to apply the same concept. Publishing is in the midst of a 100 year shake-up, and the future is uncertain to say the least. Along the lines of advice I’ve heard everything from “wait to see what happens” to “seize the day.”

I pretty much suck at waiting around, so the basic decision has been easy. I’m going to go for it, Pat. But what exactly does that look like?

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