Jackasses Will Always be With Us

Haterade image for Get into the Head before JockFor the fourth and final installment of The Green Porch’s Guide to Courteous Critique, I’m expressing my confusion. Is it fashionable to hate apples because they don’t taste like oranges? So why do people think it’s legitimate to read pulp fiction and then hate on it because it isn’t teen romance?

And has anyone noticed hate-nastics often include all the same buzz phrases? Are these auditions for The Next American Jerk-A? Look, I get it. It’s easier to sound smart when criticizing something than when praising it. Every monkey loves his banana. But to describe it as thick-skinned, moldy and lacking pungency makes me sound like one cool gorilla.

That’s why part four of the guide is about ignoring the inevitably erroneous critiques when we get them.

Ignore them, they won’t go away.

What was it Jesus said about the poor? That they will always be with us. This wasn’t intended to let us of the hook when it comes to caring for them, but it was meant to help us prioritize. If Jesus were writing this post he would tell everyone that jackasses will always be with us.

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This Texas Ranger Ain’t no Chuck Norris

Walker, Texas Ranger (Chuck Norris=good)

(Warning: viewpoints in the blogpost may be controversial.) I know, I know. Making a statement like this is like Marge Simpson telling Homer that the despicable action he has just undertaken is the worse thing he has ever done. Homer’s classic response is, “You say that so much it has lost all meaning.” But just because I say stupid stuff all the time doesn’t make what I am about to say any less stupid.

The main antagonist (bad guy) for the novel I will be releasing this summer (Lord willing and the creek don’t rise) is a Texas Ranger. I know! Even after they just lost the World Series. And the hit series (it was a hit in Texas, anyway) Walker, Texas Ranger has only been off the air since 2001 (can you believe it’s been almost 10 years?). Why, dear reader, would I do such a jackassery-like thing?

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