Redneck Sustainability: Ferment for Health

Bolt bottle opener

[dropcap2]I[/dropcap2]nventiveness comes in two flavors: the evil genius sort and the practical necessity sort. I personally am a fan of evil genius, but like horseradish, a little goes a long way. The bricks between the mortar of everyday life must be built with practical necessity genius, or else everything sorta’ smushes together.

This is where The Green Porch takes a moment to highlight another redneck example of said practical genius, the bolt and board bottle opener. It is noteworthy, observant reader, that many occurrences of redneck genius involve beer, but not such a stretch to understand beer as a necessary precursor to continued and broader genius. Thus the correlation should shock only the most sheltered prohibitionist.

Perhaps this is the best moment to alert the un-lubricated public of the significance fermentation has played in human discovery. A big one.

Imagine. Cain wouldn’t have been cursed without Noah discovering the wonders of yeast-enhanced grape juice. While that may not seem like such a positive example, let’s not forget about Jesus’ first miracle of water to wine or his allusions to being new wine for new skins.

And let us not think the benefits of fermentation stop with beer and wine. If its organic, rednecks and hill folk branching back to the beginning of history (history worth living, anyway) have attempted to ferment it. Fermentation, in a sentence, is the final step in the primary means by which most cells brake down glucose to derive energy for catabolism (making stuff from simpler stuff). If it’s got metabolism, it ferments (some of us ferment faster than others).

With modern science revealing the medicinal benefits of everything from kimchi to sauerkraut to red wine I humbly assert that America learn to ferment for health. And who in America has more experience with fermenting than the redneck? While fermented ketchup may no longer be in vogue (more on that later), who else but the mongers of moonshine, the farmers of grain and the milkers of cattle better understands the benefits of fermentation for human health?[divider]

While civilized folk have gone sour from lack of souring in a wet-wipe world were the only forms of alcohol are isopropyl and mold goes in the garbage, rednecks and granolas alike have never ceased their reckless propagation of bacteria, mold and fungi. Salud, Mr. and Mrs. Redneck. Salud.

About David Mark Brown

Writer. Novelist. Redneck. Granola. Raised on a Texas cattle ranch and schooled at the U of Montana (Berkeley of the Rockies), I am the world’s most self-proclaimed redneck granola and author of optimistic-dystopian dieselpunk, sci-fi thrillers and young adult literature.

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