I Like Family Movies Now

mork and mindyWelcome to old age, right? Or is this the beginning of the Mork years? (Remember the alien that aged backwards? Oh, right, of course you don’t, because it happened over three decades ago.)

Truth is, I knew over a decade ago that I no longer fit in the target audience for contemporary film makers. When American Pie hit the top of the charts, I knew the era of Animal House was long gone. So I’ve had some time to get used to it.

This past Friday, the wife and I off-loaded our kids on some unsuspecting panhandlers that look nice enough in order to execute the classic-dinner-and-a-movie-date-night. The dinner decision was easy enough–Chinese place we haven’t tried yet, General Tso’s Chicken, extra spice.

But what movie to see? Heck, neither of us had a clue as to what movies where showing. Who has time for movie trailers anymore? A cursory search revealed a shiz-load of crap. Stuff like this:

Is this a postmodern Chucky?

Is this a postmodern Chucky?

I should pay for this?

I should pay for this?

blah, blah, blah...

blah, blah, blah…

I didn't wanna read the book...

I didn’t wanna read the book…

Really?

Really?

This used to be called Twister.

This used to be called Twister.

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There was a first one?

I'm sure the cartoon was better.

I’m sure the cartoon was better.

url-8Then I landed on a movie poster for The Guardians of the Galaxy. More importantly, I found a review that said, “Think of Firefly aimed at fifteen-year-olds.” That totally sold me. Only later did I see that the movie was a Disney flick pitched as a “family film.”

Great. I’m seeing a family picture on my hot date night. Nothing could be lamer, right?

Wrong. Guardians of the Galaxy was brilliantly funny, light-hearted and uproarious. My wife and I held hands and laughed harder than we have in a long while. Badass quips like “I’m distracting you, you big turd blossom” rank right up next to famous lines like “Yippee ki yay, mother f*$%er!”

My wife even claimed it’s the best movie she’s seen in years. How is this possible? I can’t even remember a kiss in the entire movie. Oh well. I’ve arrived at the phase of life my father warned me of. He hasn’t seen a movie that wasn’t animated in like 30 years. I’m not quite to that point. But if the “Family Movie” phase includes more flicks like Guardians, I’m happy about getting older. Bring on the ass kicking raccoons.

Why I Liked Oblivion Better Than Star Trek

oblivionskystationThe past couple of months have been good for sci-fi movie goers. I actually managed to get away for Iron Man III (sort of sci-fi), Star Trek into Darkness and Oblivion. Here is why I like Oblivion better than the other two.

It felt like a science fiction movie. It was a science fiction movie. I like science fiction movies.

I suppose I should elaborate. Oblivion put considerable time and energy into the atmosphere and the ethos and the cinema-graphic beauty of the film. I’m not placing it on a level with Blade Runner, but that’s the sort of thing I’m talking about. [Read more...]

Open Letter to Film Producers

cruise as sleazy producerProduction companies, studios, producers (sleazy or otherwise), look no further. The story for your next production can be found among the Lost DMB Files. How can I be so confident? Simple.

I’m a writer who is barely literate. My strongest influences are film. I write every scene of my novels and shorts as a transcription from the images playing across my mind’s eye. Hell, now that I’ve got kids I write stuff the same way I chug down Jerry Bruckheimer episodes from Hulu, in digestible 43 minute chunks.

My books are made for the silver screen and the consumers who would rather watch a human explode than read a human drama. [Read more...]

Top 12 Fictional Resources for Surviving Apocalypse

Mad Max 2 WezWhere does one go to educate themselves on the bare knuckle elements of survival the inevitable apocalypse will require? Why the public library of course. (Which by the way, is one of the strongholds I believe will survive in many communities as legions of well-armed nerdling warriors barricade the doors and hunker down with their favorite graphic novels.)

But when you visit your local library pre-end times, what resources do you turn to for all your apocalyptic preparatory needs? That is what this post will endeavor to layout. Of course, if I miss any of the essentials, please leave a comment to add them to the list. Here is my apocalypse survival list including both novels and movies. [Read more...]

Cowboys and Aliens: Mot Juste!

Cowboys and Aliens movie postermot juste/ˌmō ˈZHYst/ Noun: The exact, appropriate word.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let me say how ecstatic I am about the timing of this new weird-Western movie. (Fine, the graphic novel has been around since 2006, but how many of you have heard of it?) But I mean, holy alien prodding! I’ve planned the release of Fistful of Reefer to be July 31st (formerly June 31st) for several months. And now it’s announced that Cowboys and Aliens will be released nationwide on July 28th?

I tell you, it’s exactly appropriate. And for those of us who have always rooted for the Indians we can now root for our future galactic overlords. (I jest! I love the Cowboys *grumble, grumble. Stupid, evil Jerry Jones*) Not only is the timing perfect, but the content is perfect as well. [Read more...]

What of dieselpunk/steampunk for a redneckgranola?

Diesel Forces by Stefan Prohaczka

As a casual pop culture observer you may have noted the recent trend in movies and books of gluing gears and goggles on everything. Or a slight bump in our collective fascination with things such as “Inglorious Bastards,” a recent film combining an alternate history of WWII with spaghetti-western styling. Whether you knew it or not, punk culture is creeping its tendrils into the crap factory of the American Idol age (extending from Madonna to Gaga.)

While scientists have yet to determine (what will certainly be) the catastrophic effects of such a mutant matching (think Michael Jackson’s Thriller meets the Sex Pistols at a Hogwarts reunion), for now we can all sit back and enjoy the ride. But to enhance said enjoyment you’ll need a primer on the evolving punk cultures/genres. So here goes! [Read more...]