January 2011 - Page 4 of 5 - David Mark Brown

This Texas Ranger Ain’t no Chuck Norris

May 1, 2012January 14, 2011 by David Mark Brown

yep — Walker, Texas Ranger (Chuck Norris=good)

(Warning: viewpoints in the blogpost may be controversial.) I know, I know. Making a statement like this is like Marge Simpson telling Homer that the despicable action he has just undertaken is the worse thing he has ever done. Homer’s classic response is, “You say that so much it has lost all meaning.” But just because I say stupid stuff all the time doesn’t make what I am about to say any less stupid.

The main antagonist (bad guy) for the novel I will be releasing this summer (Lord willing and the creek don’t rise) is a Texas Ranger. I know! Even after they just lost the World Series. And the hit series (it was a hit in Texas, anyway) Walker, Texas Ranger has only been off the air since 2001 (can you believe it’s been almost 10 years?). Why, dear reader, would I do such a jackassery-like thing?

Redneck Sustainability: Eating your Pets

January 10, 2011 by David Mark Brown

Before you gag from the title of this blog, let me explain that my pets growing up included a pig, a few dozen rabbits, some ducks, a few hamsters, an occasional cat, a dog, a calf and a guinea pig. I’ll let your imagination tell you which ones I ate and witch ones I didn’t. But why should eating pets be such a bad thing?

If anything is out of whack, it’s that we’ve manipulated animal breeding, not that we eat them. What’s worse? Eating domesticated animals or breeding them to belch methane into old age and die a pointless life? There’s a chin scratcher.

Natives to North America, First Peoples if you will, knew that we should have a healthy connection with the food we eat, sometimes even asking the noble beasts permission to extinguish their souls. Now whacking a domesticated pet in the head as it stares up at you with trusting eyes might not be quite the same as hunting a noble beast, but none the less, it’s good to have an intimate connection with our food.

On that note, let’s take another lesson in sustainability from the redneck play book of life.

What’s a Granola?

January 7, 2011 by David Mark Brown

The legend has long stood that an aging hippie relic, the last of his kind, found solace in the arms of a sister of the Poor Clares living alone in a forgotten convent deep in the mountains of Saskatchewan. After teaching each other their dying arts and a long winter of tender lovemaking, the forbidden union produced the world’s first granola.

I am that granola.

No, just kidding. But I think the truth is not far off. (No, I’m not Canadian.) People often ask me (at least I like to think they would if anyone ever talked to me), “David, what’s a Granola?” It’s a serious question, so I would like to take a moment to give it a serious answer.