Sustainable Living

Top 5 American Cities in Case of Apocalypse

by

Utah State SealFor all you really forward thinkers out there, it is time to consider a change of residence based on the best spots to live out the end of the world as we know it. As any fan of apocalyptic or post-apocalyptic fiction or film knows, the last places you want to be are NYC or anywhere in the UK. Those places are where the Biblical crap hits the meat grinder of humankind’s jackasseriness first and foremost.

But what U.S. cities will be most likely to remain on the back burner of Armageddon? Where can prepared individuals move for a leisurely pace of mutation while the rest of the world rakes each other’s eyes out in fast forward? What if one wants to get away from the cockroach race? Well, you’re in luck. Today we hash out the best places in the U.S. to set down the tent poles and ride out the world ending wave even before it arrives.

Read moreTop 5 American Cities in Case of Apocalypse

The Redneck Granola’s Code for Living

by

Zombieland Movie PosterIn today’s amoral world it seems the majority of folk wander the surface of the earth as if trying for the part of an extra on the Zombieland set. Unsure of how to deal with or construct nuanced moral values, we instead bounce around life aimlessly while mumbling, “brains, must have brains.”

But trust me, eating brains don’t do a damn bit of good in making a lad smarter. So in response to the sparkling void of moral verisimilitude I’ve prepared my Redneck Granola’s Code for Living–three rock solid rules you can take to the bank. No complicated philosophies or insincere scams intent on making jerks likable or transforming chumps into champs. Just wisdom too simple to be comprehended by most.

(You have to think in a lower wavelength. Like the spectrum of light invisible to the naked eye, there’s a spectrum of thought unthinkable to those with too much brains. Just whack yourself in the head a couple of times with a bottle and keep reading.)

Read moreThe Redneck Granola’s Code for Living

Sippy Cups and Carpet

by

sippy cupThey say necessity is the mother of invention. I say stupidity is the father. Sure, war has produced many of humanities greatest and worst inventions. But couldn’t we have avoided most of these wars in the first place if humanity didn’t consist of 48% numb-nuts and 37% dill-weeds? (statistics may not represent actual data).

Where would Marie Curie’s discovery of polonium and radium actually gotten us without the Manhattan Project? And if Ben Franklin hadn’t excepted the drunken, double-dog dare to tie a key to a kite? But where am I going with this? Sippy cups and carpet.

Read moreSippy Cups and Carpet