November 2011 - Page 3 of 4 - David Mark Brown

Freelance Arguer for Hire (book a performance today!)

May 1, 2012November 10, 2011 by David Mark Brown

arguing Oh the joys of a good argument. I’m thinking about going freelance. Not as an arbiter, but an arguer. Not to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty good at it. Better than you anyway. (Oh yeah? Takes one to know one. So there.)

Any chimp who knows ASL can arbitrate. What the world needs during these unstable times are some good, knock down, drag out arguments that end with everyone a winner. How, you may ask, is such a ridiculous thing possible? (Oh, so I’m ridiculous now? Well, if you didn’t have nougat for brains– sorry, sorry. It just comes so natural.) You see dear reader, I’m talking about surrogate arguers–professionals, like me (or like I will be once I design a certificate and print it off).

Redneck Sustainability: Urban Scrappers

November 7, 2011 by David Mark Brown

When I say “urban scrapper,” I’m not talking about some underground Sunday night fight club for hipsters with too much kempt up frustration, I’m talking about today’s savvy, entrepreneurial recycler of society’s droppings.

This duty has increasingly been taken up by the growing and noble urban class of redneck–the urban scrapper. And the rest of us, who wince or even shudder with disgust at the idea of getting intimate with the undoing of our daily cast-off (Cast-off: (n.) the dreck that ripples outward in the wake of a typical modern life on a daily basis) owe the scrapper a profound debt of gratitude.

You see, while I’m sustainability conscientious, like most of us, I’m dastardly lazy.

Between Beavers and Termites

November 3, 2011 by David Mark Brown

Thanks to PBS I’ve discovered that my humanly talents at home building reside somewhere between that of a beaver and a termite (the termite being more efficient, the beaver less). Said dreary program also informed me that “all homes are unsustainable.”

I mean, crap. Just because it’s true in a “we’re all going to die eventually” sort of way doesn’t mean I want to smoke it on a Wednesday evening. Then again, there might be something to this whole naked foraging/hunting and gathering thing. Maybe our ancestors gave up on that too easily.

But I’m not the kid of guy to take such a PBS pimp-slap sitting on the sofa. A termite? I’ll show you, Betty White, who can build a more sustainable home than a termite! (As long as no termites are around to mess it up for me.)