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An Open Letter to Matt Groening

April 16, 2012April 23, 2012 by David Mark Brown

Matt Groening A few of my closest friends believe it has been my lifelong dream to be in a Gap commercial. I’m officially going on record in this ~~confession~~ letter to you, Mr. Groening, to declare this has always been a smokescreen to protect me from the devastation of never attaining my true lifelong dream–being referenced on The Simpsons.

Lord knows why, (I was a troubled youth with anti-social tendencies) but as a twelve-year-old in 1987 I religiously watched The Tracey Ullman Show. Perhaps it was the attainable crudeness of the animation, but something about The Simpson shorts captured my imagination from the very beginning. By the time Homer became the focus of the series, I had gripped the genesis of longing to my forming teenage bosom (actually, I’m really skinny and never had much of a man bosom, but I like the expression).

My motivation in attaining cultural notoriety has been to be written into the script of a Simpsons’ episode. Why reveal this closely clutched ambition now after so many years? The realization of complete and utter failure.

Redneck Sustainability: Black Fingernail

April 11, 2012April 16, 2012 by David Mark Brown

You know you are a redneck if you’ve got a black fingernail in your wedding photo. (Sorry, Dad.) But honestly, how often do city folk end up with a black nail?

I hadn’t pondered the issue much of late, until the other day I punched a hole in my thumbnail with a bouncing nail gun. Now, part of the issue may deal more with the fact rednecks tend to throw caution to the wind in order to “git ‘er done” whether they have procured the appropriate tools for getting said job done or not. (It turns out a framing gun may not be the best tool for building a planter box).

But to meander slowly back to my point, I’ve spent the last few weeks watching my black nail grow out. (Seeing how I spend most of my time typing, I’m rather glad I didn’t lose it all together.) After musing over my black nail and the hasty choices that led to its formation, I’ve decided Rednecks have once again procured the moral high ground of sustainable living.