An Open Letter to Matt Groening

Matt GroeningA few of my closest friends believe it has been my lifelong dream to be in a Gap commercial. I’m officially going on record in this confession letter to you, Mr. Groening, to declare this has always been a smokescreen to protect me from the devastation of never attaining my true lifelong dream–being referenced on The Simpsons.

Lord knows why, (I was a troubled youth with anti-social tendencies) but as a twelve-year-old in 1987 I religiously watched The Tracey Ullman Show. Perhaps it was the attainable crudeness of the animation, but something about The Simpson shorts captured my imagination from the very beginning. By the time Homer became the focus of the series, I had gripped the genesis of longing to my forming teenage bosom (actually, I’m really skinny and never had much of a man bosom, but I like the expression).

My motivation in attaining cultural notoriety has been to be written into the script of a Simpsons’ episode. Why reveal this closely clutched ambition now after so many years? The realization of complete and utter failure.

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Finding Ozmodiar

Simpsons with OzmodiarThe parable of Ozmodiar is more important today than ever. And no, I’m not talking about an allegorical planet in which sympathy takes the form of blue cheese and flatulence represents the soul of man. I’m talking about the animated extra from the cultural beacon, The Simpsons. Ozmodiar appears in the final scene of an episode from season eight, and only Homer can see him.

While some would argue the delightful little alien imp doesn’t exist, I think those people stink. Not only is Ozmodiar alive and well, but the very concept of individual conception or unique perspective is critical for maintaining a dynamic civilization worth upholding the beautiful gift of life.

What pray tell have I been smoking? Why Ozmodiar, of course. For this is the essence of living. Each and every one of us has an Ozmodiar, a unique perspective, a sprite that only you or I can see. For you it might be the ability to spot stains in movie theater carpet. For someone else it might be the ability to see humor in Woody Allen.

That’s Ozmodiar.

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The Unifying Sitcom of Everything

donut simpsons

donut simpsonsSome still say that String Theory isn’t Physics, but Philosophy. ┬áThose are the types who insist that T.V.’s the Simpsons isn’t a sitcom, but a cartoon. The debate will certainly continue until 22nd Century Fox becomes our governing body and rules “Smell you later” as the official salutation of the English language.

Until then, let me just say that the holy grail lies within your grasp if you so choose to embrace it. Jerry Bruckheimer has long speculated that our universe contains the concept for a unifying sitcom of everything — a television show that stitches together all the main constituents of American society and every facet of our flaccid lives.

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