The Green Porch Archives - Page 28 of 30

Where has the Sombrero Gone?

February 4, 2011 by David Mark Brown

[dropcap2]T[/dropcap2]he literal translation of sombrero is ‘shader,’ and for good reason. It is the ultimate shade hat. Interestingly, try to find one in the United States and 9 out of 10 google hits will bring back the “Tequila Pop N’ Dude” costume. But don’t worry, you can choose between the drunk, fat guy version or the female “Sexy Shooter.” (Which, because it includes less fabric, is appropriately priced $15 less.)

In Spanish, sombrero typically refers to any hat with a brim, so an on-line shopper would expect to be able to find some nice contemporary options available to satisfy their sombrero urgings, the empty ache in their soul for head shade. But no. Surprisingly, no one really wears the sombrero anymore, unless its Halloween or you’re in a Mariachi band (or you’re the “Tequila Pop N’ Dude” on spring break).

I think that’s a shame.

Redneck Sustainability: Ferment for Health

January 31, 2011 by David Mark Brown

[dropcap2]I[/dropcap2]nventiveness comes in two flavors: the evil genius sort and the practical necessity sort. I personally am a fan of evil genius, but like horseradish, a little goes a long way. The bricks between the mortar of everyday life must be built with practical necessity genius, or else everything sorta’ smushes together.

This is where The Green Porch takes a moment to highlight another redneck example of said practical genius, the bolt and board bottle opener. It is noteworthy, observant reader, that many occurrences of redneck genius involve beer, but not such a stretch to understand beer as a necessary precursor to continued and broader genius. Thus the correlation should shock only the most sheltered prohibitionist.

Perhaps this is the best moment to alert the un-lubricated public of the significance fermentation has played in human discovery. A big one.

The Weird West Reboot

January 24, 2011 by David Mark Brown

[dropcap2]I[/dropcap2]n the 1960’s, as the American genre of the Western guttered in its final death throes, a new sort of Western birthed onto the scene replacing the Wild West with what has become known as the Weird West. Most prominently, the Weird West is defined by its landmark accomplishment, CBS Studio’s The Wild Wild West.

Aside: After my last post, it has come to my attention that several of you, my faithful readers, have begun to question the lucidity of my waking state (and whether mind-altering substances might be involved). But I assure you, the indelibility of my turpitude is purely natural (and more importantly, untransferable).

Unsurprisingly, considering the fact that CSI’s newest show will be based in Lake Wobegon (just kidding, it’s probably going to end up being Seattle) CBS has resorted to rebooting old favorites. This season they gave us the chance to feel the sun and surf course through our veins as we lip sync the gritty phrase, “Book ’em, Danno.” It appears that for the coming season, attempts will be made to revive The Wild Wild West, the poster child of all that is weird with westerns.